Posted by racheebabe / Wednesday, October 28, 2015 / 1 Comment / Beauty , Inspirational
Loving Yourself From The Inside Out
When I was 21 I had corrective plastic surgery. It was something I looked forward to for 10 years, and it has taken me another 10 years to realize that plastic surgery didn't change anything.
I had a genetic jaw deformity that manifested itself in my pre-pubescent years. My top jaw didn't grow enough, and my bottom jaw grew too long, with one side growing longer than the other, giving me a crooked underbite. My teeth didn't fit together at all. In fact, only two teeth even touched each other when I closed my mouth. I had braces in middle school to prevent a tooth from being lost, but would have to wait until I stopped growing to even begin the extensive work necessary to prepare myself for surgery.
This jaw deformity led to a lot of teasing. One boy in particular seemed to make it his mission to make sure I knew he thought I was ugly. He was relentless in teasing over the course of about 5 years. I believed him and the many others who had their own turn poking fun at the way I looked. I yearned for the day when I would finally be able to have the surgery that would show them all. The surgery would make me beautiful. I could finally fix this horrible flaw that made me feel so hideous and disgusting. I hated the way I looked. I looked to others for validations. I went through a couple of boyfriends because I needed their validation in my life, and yet I was still miserable. Those poor boys.
I got my second round of braces put on between my freshman and sophmore years of college. I still hated the way I looked and couldn't wait for the whole process to be over. I was certain that after my surgery I would be inundated with boys and dates. The surgery would change my life. I finally had the surgery a few weeks before the start of my senior year. The day had finally come. They chopped off my jaw and screwed it back on. I was put on a liquid diet for 6 weeks, unable to open my jaw without massive pain. I didn't really care that I'd finally have teeth that touched each other, or that I'd finally be able to eat an apple or a sandwich or corn on the cob...all I cared about is that it would finally make me beautiful.
Sure, it felt good. At least for a while. Once the pain and swelling subsided and I was finally able to eat again, I felt confident, except for the fact that I was still in braces. Once those braces would come off, I'd finally be beautiful.
The braces came off. I married a wonderful man who thought I was beautiful both before and after the surgery. The bones in my face have adjusted to the new jaw placement over the years and I certainly look different. After the newness and excitement of the event I had longed for wore off, I was left feeling ugly.
Plastic surgery didn't change anything.
I found new things that I hated about my body. Then I had a baby and boy did that fuel the fire of my own body shame. Change this! Change that! You'll be happy if just this one thing is different....
One day I realized that it didn't matter how much weight I lost, or how I did my hair, or how much makeup I wore, or how tan my skin was, or how cute my clothes were....I would feel the same way about myself. There are always fleeting moments here and there of momentary confidence like feeling cute in a new outfit. But those feelings disappear and all you are left with is how you really feel about yourself.
Then I got diagnosed with a life long disability. Boy was I mad at my body. It failed me from the outside in! One day I hit rock bottom with self loathing and hatred for my body.
I decided to change all that. I made a conscious effort to love myself. I stopped giving myself permission to think negatively about myself. When it happened, I shut myself down. I'm not perfect at it yet, but I've come so far.
I struggled the most when I looked in a full length mirror. What I was seeing in my reflection wasn't matching how I wanted to see myself. We moved into a new place with no full length mirrors and my self esteem perked up. I loved it! I may not have been able to figure out if my shoes really went with my outfit, but I wasn't constantly nit picking my appearance in the mirror. More than a year without a full length mirror did wonders for my self esteem. I found a full length mirror on clearance at Walmart. It was slightly warped so things seemed smaller in the mirror than they actually are. It was a skinny mirror. I bought it. Now I can see if my shoes match, but I don't spend any time hating the body reflecting back at me.
Another thing that has helped me to is to stop apologizing for my appearance. Someone comes to the door when I'm still in my pajamas at noon with no makeup? They won't get an apology from me. In fact, I make it a regular point to go out without makeup on just to remind myself that I'm still awesome without it.
These simple acts have led to breakthroughs in my life. I'm learning to reach beyond the mirror and love myself from the inside out.
I had a genetic jaw deformity that manifested itself in my pre-pubescent years. My top jaw didn't grow enough, and my bottom jaw grew too long, with one side growing longer than the other, giving me a crooked underbite. My teeth didn't fit together at all. In fact, only two teeth even touched each other when I closed my mouth. I had braces in middle school to prevent a tooth from being lost, but would have to wait until I stopped growing to even begin the extensive work necessary to prepare myself for surgery.
This jaw deformity led to a lot of teasing. One boy in particular seemed to make it his mission to make sure I knew he thought I was ugly. He was relentless in teasing over the course of about 5 years. I believed him and the many others who had their own turn poking fun at the way I looked. I yearned for the day when I would finally be able to have the surgery that would show them all. The surgery would make me beautiful. I could finally fix this horrible flaw that made me feel so hideous and disgusting. I hated the way I looked. I looked to others for validations. I went through a couple of boyfriends because I needed their validation in my life, and yet I was still miserable. Those poor boys.
I got my second round of braces put on between my freshman and sophmore years of college. I still hated the way I looked and couldn't wait for the whole process to be over. I was certain that after my surgery I would be inundated with boys and dates. The surgery would change my life. I finally had the surgery a few weeks before the start of my senior year. The day had finally come. They chopped off my jaw and screwed it back on. I was put on a liquid diet for 6 weeks, unable to open my jaw without massive pain. I didn't really care that I'd finally have teeth that touched each other, or that I'd finally be able to eat an apple or a sandwich or corn on the cob...all I cared about is that it would finally make me beautiful.
Sure, it felt good. At least for a while. Once the pain and swelling subsided and I was finally able to eat again, I felt confident, except for the fact that I was still in braces. Once those braces would come off, I'd finally be beautiful.
The braces came off. I married a wonderful man who thought I was beautiful both before and after the surgery. The bones in my face have adjusted to the new jaw placement over the years and I certainly look different. After the newness and excitement of the event I had longed for wore off, I was left feeling ugly.
Plastic surgery didn't change anything.
I found new things that I hated about my body. Then I had a baby and boy did that fuel the fire of my own body shame. Change this! Change that! You'll be happy if just this one thing is different....
One day I realized that it didn't matter how much weight I lost, or how I did my hair, or how much makeup I wore, or how tan my skin was, or how cute my clothes were....I would feel the same way about myself. There are always fleeting moments here and there of momentary confidence like feeling cute in a new outfit. But those feelings disappear and all you are left with is how you really feel about yourself.
Then I got diagnosed with a life long disability. Boy was I mad at my body. It failed me from the outside in! One day I hit rock bottom with self loathing and hatred for my body.
I decided to change all that. I made a conscious effort to love myself. I stopped giving myself permission to think negatively about myself. When it happened, I shut myself down. I'm not perfect at it yet, but I've come so far.
I struggled the most when I looked in a full length mirror. What I was seeing in my reflection wasn't matching how I wanted to see myself. We moved into a new place with no full length mirrors and my self esteem perked up. I loved it! I may not have been able to figure out if my shoes really went with my outfit, but I wasn't constantly nit picking my appearance in the mirror. More than a year without a full length mirror did wonders for my self esteem. I found a full length mirror on clearance at Walmart. It was slightly warped so things seemed smaller in the mirror than they actually are. It was a skinny mirror. I bought it. Now I can see if my shoes match, but I don't spend any time hating the body reflecting back at me.
Another thing that has helped me to is to stop apologizing for my appearance. Someone comes to the door when I'm still in my pajamas at noon with no makeup? They won't get an apology from me. In fact, I make it a regular point to go out without makeup on just to remind myself that I'm still awesome without it.
These simple acts have led to breakthroughs in my life. I'm learning to reach beyond the mirror and love myself from the inside out.
I am overweight, over 30, I have gray hairs, wrinkles, rolls, stretch marks, and cellulite. And I have never felt more beautiful in my life.
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I agree with a lot of the points you made in this article. If you are looking for the Fix Underbite Without Surgery, then visit Ivanov Orthodontic Experts. I appreciate the work you have put into this and hope you continue writing on this subject.
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